Parents on the Same Page,

Parents on the Same Page

Earlier this year, a radio program interviewed an expert in the training and development field on communication in families. David Cunningham, who conducts the Landmark Forum program for Landmark Education, was interviewed for an hour—excerpts appear here.
Interviewer: What would you say to a couple, parents, about using mutual goals and rewards? How can they be on the same page with all of this stuff?
David Cunningham: I think that’s a really important point. I think that when there’s two parents that it’s as critical as anything that the kids aren’t getting mixed signals from the two parents. So how do parents really work that out together? If they didn’t even know it ahead of time, but all of a sudden when they’re rearing their children they find out they have different points of view about how to raise kids? Well, two things are very important.
The first thing is that each person’s point of view is valid. So as parents, the first and foremost that they get is that each parent’s point of view is a valid point of view. So as they listen to each other, there’s not one that’s right and one that’s wrong. There’s something valid about what both of them are saying that’s really critical to get.
The second thing is to really pay attention to what really matters--what really is important to the other person. If you and I were parenting and I had a different point of view than you did, I’d want to be listening for what is important to you and why is it important. Suppose it was important to you that the kids finished their meal, or was important to you that the kids had great table manners; or it was important to you that the kids went to bed at a certain time. It might not be important to me. It could be for one parent that it’s important that the kids have a bedtime and for the other parent, it’s not important. The question as I’m talking to you about that is why is that important to you? I say that there’s always some way, even if we don’t agree--suppose we end up saying, good, we’re not going to impose a bedtime, whatever was important to you about a bedtime could still get honored. In other words, there’s the thing that we need to decide, like are we going to impose a bedtime or not? But behind what we have to decide is what really is important, what the commitment is behind that. Even if we end up disagreeing on, or can’t come to a resolution on the thing to do, we can always find a way to honor what’s important about it to each other. And if you get everything that’s important honored, then you can almost always work out any difference of opinions about what to do.
Interviewer: Now I’ve heard people say that they’ve learned to repeat what they’re saying to their spouse and children while taking Landmark Education coursework. So what are they being taught?
David Cunningham: The main thing that happens for people in the Landmark forum is that they find a way to fully be responsible for themselves and their lives. The thing that is crippling for couples and families is all the blame and all the fault that goes on between people. When something doesn’t work, the question is who’s to blame. That’s just a question that society’s always asking. If something doesn’t work, who’s to blame?
We ask a different question at Landmark Education. We have people ask a different question, and the question we ask is not who is to blame, but what’s possible? What is going to work here? People then don’t need to argue with you! If I go ‘you’re to blame’ then immediately, what you’re going to do is be defensive, and you’re going to argue with me. Anybody would. That’s just human. So if instead of saying ‘somebody’s to blame’ and and debating ‘who’s fault is this’, if you and I could have some different questions together--what’s possible here? What will work here? What will make a difference? Then we won’t need to be in that debate or argument. That’s a key thing that happens for people in the Landmark forum. The fundamental question they ask in their life shifts. And the question that they start with is ‘who’s at fault, who’s to blame’ and all of a sudden, people out of the Landmark forum are really engaged in a new question in life, and the new question they are engaged in is ‘what’s possible here and what will work and how can I make a difference?’
Interviewer: Well, that’s so much more productive and such a better use of time and of your life.
David Cunningham: And more fun too!

Article Source: http://www.alltopinfo.com

John is author of article written on landmark education criticism & landmark education scam. For more information, please visit :www.landmarkeducationnews.info

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